So, you're walking in the park minding your own business when all of the sudden the Lords of Kobol appear and command you to go look at some Jeep ads! What to do? Never fear, Mulder, as always you can turn to the smoking fish for answers. Pay close attention, here's how you will find the sacred Jeep adverts:

First, drink a six pack of the beverage of your choice (aloe vera soda would be a fine choice, but it's up to you). Then put a paper bag over your head. Be sure to cut eye holes. Also, you'll be feel more comfortable if you cut a mouth hole. If you need instructions, here they are.

You look marvellous!

Next, look at the three pictures at the top of our main page. Look at them quickly one after another, repeat this over and over.

When you're done staring at the clown, go to the Hanso Foundation. Find your way to the Electromagnetofiddelyfoo section (that's ERI for short).

Hey is that a new picture? What's with that screwy date?

Take a little while to figure this bit out for yourself.

Right, now that you have the unlocked the KEY TO THE COSMOS, make your way down the dark and winding staircase and find the BRIDGEKEEPER, or just click that little compass-like thingy that appears on the screen.

At this point, depending on which kind of six pack you drank, you may be feeling sleepy and having trouble concentrating. If so, go take a nap. You probably won't want to sleep wearing the paper bag, so it's okay to take it off now. But keep it handy.

When you awake, feeling refreshed, if there is someone in the bed with you, find the paper bag and put it over their head. If they wake up during this process, yell loudly, "no, I won't do it" and act like an unseen force is persecuting you.

Get thee behind me, Lymon

Now back to business, clean up the area around your computer. Then have a look at letyourcompassguideyou.com.

Okay, okay, just calm down, stop frantically clicking everywhere. Put your mouse over E and move it around 1 or 2 centimeters down. Now, you can click.

What happens if I click on the 108?

So now, we're in the /usr directory. You'll want to have a look through all of those pretty folders. Great Scotch(you'll find it's Widmore's favorite, in fact), I mean Scott! Does Orson Welles have his own folder here? And who is mwilliam? Wouldn't you like to know.

War of the Lost Worlds

Alright, Hugh and Peter, man. Hugh and Peter.

Bam! Jeep adverts, letters from DaimlerChrysler, etc. Through all this we find out that Hugh and Pete pretty sloppy when it comes to using a copy machine/scanner. They also like to redact their documents, before they scan them, so that they can't read seemingly important words.

Apparently whatever nasty business THF has been up to in Zambia or Korea or Hansoland(???) DC doesn't want to touch it. Not even with a $1000-undercarriage-treatment pole.

It seems that McIntyre is fond of really old Jeep adverts. Why??? Well, it's rumored that McIntyre reads Playboy for the ads.

If you poke around enough, you will find a code that you can use to unlock some SHOCKING (sorry) evidence of Hugh McIntyre's torrid love affair. Apparently he and his mistress enjoy looking at ads together while they drink Champagne that is around the same age as the ads.

Oh well, at least now we know the real reason he couldn't make it to the barbecue.

Scandal! Drama! Buy a Jeep!

Namaste,

Mr. "The Mouthpiece" Fisk