July 2008 Archives

So, I thought it would be prudent at this juncture to introduce you, my beloved readers, to the main players in the Dharma Initiative Octagon Global Recruiting recruitment project. So without further Freddy Adu, here they are.

Number One: Hans Van Eeghen

First up is my main man, Hans Van Eeghen, also known as "The Eggstractor"

What are you gonna do when the eggstractor goes wild on you?

The things you need to now about Hans are: he's some kind of European, he suffers from painful anal fissures that complicate his bowel movements, and he's VERY high in cholesterol, so don't eat him more than a couple times a week.

Numero Dos: Honda Big RuckusGuy

What's the big ruckus?

Usually simply referred to as "RuckusGuy" this "Guy" is really just Rachel Blake with Rollie Fingers mustache.

What Rollie does in his free time is really none of my business

Last but not least: Secret Squirrel

How these two jackasses get anything done is beyond me

Secret Squirrel plays a key role in "The Project". However, the nature of this clandestine critter's involvement with the Dharma Initiative is not yet fully understood.

Alrighty, now that you're some kind of expert about "The Project", send Hans an e-mail with some tips about how he can soothe his aching bunghole.

Do you feel lucky Hans?

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

This is the "bluetooth" "dharmawantsyou" "video" "that" "was"...oops, secret-squirrel-ly distributed at ComicCon as revealed by (Honda Big) RuckusGuy. And if I were to buy a motor scooter I'm sure the Honda Big Ruckus would be near the top of the short, short list of candidates.

He wants what he wants

I just received a new e-mail message from international man of mystery Hans Van Eeghen. Here is the text of the message:

THE DHARMA INITIATIVE WANTS YOU!

Recruiting Volunteers NOW.
Join the Dharma Initiative's latest groundbreaking research project.

Visit www.dharmawantsyou.com and complete an 'Eligibility Test'.
Our innovative research has brought together some
of the brightest minds on the planet.
And we'd like you to join us.

APPLY TODAY.
HELP GUIDE THE WORLD TO A BETTER TOMORROW.

ATTENTION ALL RECRUITS
DHARMA HEAD OF RECRUITING TO ATTEND LAUNCH

Octagon Global Recruiting, on behalf of the Dharma Initiative, is pleased to announce that Dharma's Head of Recruiting, Mr. Hans Van Eeghen, has confirmed his availability for the launch of our latest recruiting drive at Comic-Con 2008.

"My colleagues at Octagon Global Recruiting assure me that Comic-con hosts some of the brightest minds in the country," said Mr. Van Eeghen. "As Head of Recruiting it is my intention to personally assess the very best of this talent in the hope that they may join us."

The Dharma Initiative will be conducting eligibility assessments at Booth 3529 at Comic-Con, San Diego between July 24th - 27th.

If you are attending Comic-Con and would like to submit your name for a randomly selected drawing to secure one of ten (10) pre-release appointments with one of our recruiting officers, please click here.

The volunteer eligibility assessment will be available online from July 28th for a limited time at www.dharmawantsyou.com

The Dharma Initiative hopes you will spread the word. Invite your friends to join the team at www.octagonglobalrecruiting.com

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL COMMUNICATION OF THE DHARMA INITIATIVE:
This message and its attachments are confidential and may contain information which is protected by copyright. It is intended solely for the named addressee. If you are not the authorized recipient (or responsible for delivery of the message to the authorized recipient), you must not use, disclose, print, copy or deliver this message or its attachments to anyone. If you receive this email in error, please contact the sender immediately and permanently delete this message and its attachments from your system. Any content of this message and its attachments that does not relate to the official business of the Dharma Initiative or its subsidiaries must be taken not to have been sent or endorsed by any of them. No representation is made that this email or its attachments are without defect or that the contents express views other than those of the sender.